the pain i felt that day was something i had never felt like ever before..
they say your heart breaks never believed that
what they say was real i just thought it was a
expression. the pain of loosing a loved one i never knew it,
cause i never had lost anyone in my life ever before.
i had heard songs in which they sang about loosing a dear friend,a family member.
i could feel something in those songs but i never knew what it meant.
"in the hardest of times one should not think of himself but others around him"
i did think of others for whom the loss was far more than for what it had been to me.I tried my best to make them forget the pain and i did succeed but why is it that the pain still rests with me. why is it that i have put up a facade, a facade for the people who i call my own. the only true sin in my dictionary was to put up a facade i cant help it i need to protect them, i cant give in, slowly i am becoming a human who i am sure to despise.
i have done things that i am ashamed of, i have hurt friends n family members alike, pushing everyone away, everyone who wanted to lend a hand, everyone who meant the world to me. and now i have succeeded in pushing all of them away, now all i know is that in this world of mine there is only pain the pain that i cant share, the pain that i cant keep inside and i am too afraid to let go.
And sometimes i wonder if this pain is real or is it just in my head, cause i seem to see the people who i had and have no more,and i cant c the people i have anymore.now i hate to do anything, i hate the fact that i am what i am, i hate that i think the stuff i do think, i hate my self for everything i have done. the life that i once adored, once seemed perfect is crashing down, and i cant see it that way but there is not a damn thing i could do or is there......
some songs about loosing
1) sometimes you cant make it on your own - u2
2)wake me up when september ends - greenday
3)untitled - simple plan
4)when your gone - avril lavigne
